What Autumn Can Teach Us About Emotional Wellbeing
Sometimes an ending arrives before we feel ready for it.
This week, triyoga suddenly closed.
Part of me knew that this might happen one day, but I wasn’t prepared for how it ended — suddenly and without notice.
I breathed in.
Some of it I could accept.
Some of it, I couldn’t.
There is a practical loss for me too. I may not be paid for some of the work I have already done. It isn’t something that will turn my life upside down, and I know other people may have lost much more.
I feel for them.
But I noticed myself thinking:
Mine isn’t that bad.
And then I became curious about that thought.
Why do we sometimes compare our loss with someone else’s before allowing ourselves to feel our own?
Someone else may be experiencing something much harder. We can have compassion for them without dismissing what is happening inside us.
A loss can still be a loss, even when someone else has lost more.
When the present touches the past
I have many memories of triyoga.
Some are beautiful.
Some are difficult.
There is gratitude, sadness, disappointment and, right now, a lot of sentimentality.
But what interested me most was that this ending didn’t only bring feelings about what is happening now.
It reminded me of other endings in my life.
Being made redundant unexpectedly.
People leaving without notice.
Times when I felt hurt, abandoned or not respected.
The circumstances were different, but there was something familiar in the feeling.
I’ve felt this before.
This is something I often notice in emotional wellbeing work.
Sometimes our response to a present situation is connected not only to what is happening today, but also to what it reminds us of.
An unexpected ending may touch another unexpected ending.
Feeling overlooked may remind us of another time we didn’t feel seen.
Being disappointed by someone may awaken an older hurt we thought we had moved beyond.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that we are “stuck in the past”.
Perhaps something happening now has simply touched something that still wants our attention.
That is why, before trying to change an emotion, I like to begin by noticing it.
Autumn, the Metal element and letting go
The timing of this experience felt particularly interesting because it happened around the autumn equinox.
In Five Element philosophy, autumn is associated with the Metal element, and with the Lungs and Large Intestine.
I find the symbolism of their physical functions interesting to reflect upon.
We breathe in and breathe out.
Our bodies take in what they need and release what they no longer need.
Traditionally, autumn is also connected with grief, letting go and recognising what is precious.
We can look outside and see something similar.
Leaves change colour.
They fall.
The trees don’t hold onto everything they produced during the summer.
There is a movement towards a quieter season.
But when I think about emotional wellbeing, I don’t think “letting go” means forcing ourselves to get rid of uncomfortable feelings.
In fact, I am learning something almost opposite:
Before I can let something go, perhaps I need to know what I am holding.
What am I actually carrying?
When something difficult happens, it can be tempting to move quickly towards feeling better.
Don’t be angry.
Stop thinking about it.
Move on.
Let it go.
But what happens if we become curious before trying to change anything?
We might ask:
What am I feeling right now?
What is this reminding me of?
Does all of this belong to what is happening today?
Am I also carrying something from my past?
Am I taking on emotions that belong to other people?
We may not immediately know the answers.
That is okay.
Sometimes simply separating the different threads can make an overwhelming feeling a little easier to understand.
In my own situation, there is my personal sadness about the ending of triyoga.
There is disappointment about how it happened.
There is practical loss.
There are memories from the years I spent there.
There are older experiences that this ending has reminded me of.
And there is also my compassion for other therapists, teachers, staff and people who may be dealing with their own losses.
All of those things can exist at the same time.
But they are not necessarily all mine to carry.
Grief and gratitude can sit together
One of the things I found myself missing most was something very simple.
The Buddha statue in my treatment room.
It had quietly been there for so many years.
Clients came and went.
My work changed.
I changed.
Life changed.
And the Buddha was simply there.
I didn’t expect to miss it quite so much.
One morning, thinking about it, I found myself quietly saying:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Something softened.
Not everything.
I didn’t suddenly approve of everything that had happened.
The practical situation hadn’t changed.
The sadness hadn’t disappeared.
But something else appeared beside it.
Gratitude.
Gratitude for the room.
For the clients who trusted me.
For the people I met.
For what I learned.
For the version of myself who worked there, grew there and eventually began moving towards something new.
I realised that gratitude doesn’t have to replace grief.
Perhaps they can sit beside each other.
Letting go doesn’t mean saying it was okay
This feels important to me.
Sometimes “letting go” can sound as though we should forgive immediately, become positive, or decide that whatever happened didn’t matter.
That isn’t what I mean.
We can acknowledge:
That hurt.
I wish it had happened differently.
I’m disappointed.
I’m angry.
And still ask:
Do I want to continue carrying this in the same way?
That question feels very different from telling ourselves that we should let go.
I cannot change how triyoga ended.
I cannot change what has already been lost.
I cannot control how other people respond.
And I cannot carry everyone else’s feelings.
But there are still things I can choose.
I can breathe.
I can notice.
I can listen to what I am feeling.
I can be compassionate towards myself.
I can care about other people without taking responsibility for all their emotions.
I can remember what was precious without pretending everything was perfect.
And, when I am ready, I can decide what I would like to carry forward with me.
Emotional wellbeing is not about feeling good all the time
This experience has made me want to give more conscious attention to my own emotional wellbeing this autumn.
For me, emotional wellbeing isn’t about becoming someone who never feels grief, anger, fear or resentment.
These emotions are part of being human.
Instead, I am interested in developing a different relationship with what I feel.
Can I notice an emotion before judging it?
Can I become curious about what it is showing me?
Can I recognise when the present has touched something from the past?
Can I ask what I need?
And can I give myself time rather than demanding an immediate answer?
Sometimes we need to take action.
Sometimes we need a boundary.
Sometimes we need to talk.
Sometimes we need to receive support.
Sometimes we need a practice that helps us become quiet enough to listen.
And sometimes we simply need to acknowledge:
This is difficult for me right now.
That can be a beginning too.
What are you carrying into autumn?
Perhaps this season is bringing something up for you too.
It might be an ending or a change.
Perhaps an old emotion has unexpectedly returned.
Or perhaps nothing dramatic has happened, but you have a sense that you have been carrying something for a long time.
Instead of immediately asking, “How do I get rid of this?”, you might begin somewhere gentler:
What am I feeling?
What is this reminding me of?
What do I need right now?
And perhaps, eventually:
What am I ready to carry differently — or gently put down?
There doesn’t have to be an immediate answer.
Sometimes noticing is enough for today.
Supporting your emotional wellbeing
As I give more attention to my own emotional wellbeing this autumn, I will also continue supporting people who feel ready to explore theirs.
If there is something emotional you have been carrying and you would like some guidance while exploring it, you can learn more about my Emotional Wellbeing work.
Explore Emotional Wellbeing with Naomi
If you are interested in developing a practice you can return to yourself, you may instead feel curious about Reiki and learning Reiki.
Sometimes we need to explore what we are feeling.
Sometimes we need tools to support ourselves.
And sometimes we simply need to receive support.
You don’t have to know which one you need before you begin.
Come as you are. We can listen together.
— Naomi