Exploring the difference between relaxation, deep rest and returning to yourself

We often talk about needing to relax.

We go for a walk, listen to music, watch something, meet a friend, take a holiday or spend an evening on the sofa.

These things can genuinely help us feel relaxed.

But recently, I’ve been wondering:

Is feeling relaxed always the same as being deeply rested?

This question came to me during a period of unexpected change in my own life.

When unexpected space appears

After the sudden closure of triyoga Camden, I found myself fully back at HomeWellness in Primrose Hill.

I had started practising at HomeWellness about a year earlier and had already been gradually shifting more of my practice there.

Looking back, I feel grateful that the transition had already begun. I hadn’t known triyoga would close when it did, and I certainly hadn’t planned for things to happen this way.

Although one chapter ended unexpectedly, I wasn’t starting again from zero.

But the change left me with something I hadn’t expected:

more space.

My instinct could have been to immediately fill it.

What should I do next?

How should I replace what has gone?

What is the next plan?

Instead, I found myself wanting to be quieter.

I continued my morning walks. I took myself on a creative date to the National Portrait Gallery. I walked through Regent’s Park.

Rather than immediately deciding what should come next, I tried to stay curious about what might emerge.

Around the same time, my son turned 15.

His birthday took me back to another beginning — the day I became a mother.

Fifteen years later, neither of us is the same person.

It made me think:

Returning to the beginning doesn’t necessarily mean going backwards.

We return carrying everything we have experienced and learned along the way.

An experience of deep rest

That week, I also went to a gong event.

I lay down while the sounds and vibrations filled the space around me.

There was nothing I needed to do.

Nothing to achieve.

Nothing to work out.

I didn’t even need to try to relax.

I could simply receive.

At first, I became very aware of sensations in my body. I noticed movement, vibration and what I would personally describe as energy, both within my body and in the space around me.

It felt as though things were shifting and moving.

I didn’t try to understand the experience or make anything happen. I simply noticed and allowed it to unfold.

Gradually, everything became quieter.

My body felt quieter.

My mind felt quieter.

I moved into what felt like a deeply meditative state.

And afterwards, I began thinking about the difference between relaxation and deep rest.

Relaxation and deep rest are not necessarily the same

I have many ways of relaxing.

Walking.

Music.

Creative dates.

Exploring somewhere new.

Spending time with people I enjoy.

They are important parts of my wellbeing, and I wouldn’t want to give them up.

But my experience at the gong event felt different.

I wasn’t doing something to make myself relax.

I was allowing myself to stop doing and simply receive.

Perhaps this is one way of thinking about deep rest.

It doesn’t have to mean reaching a particular state or making the mind completely empty.

Sometimes it may simply mean having a period when we don’t need to achieve, respond, solve, care for somebody else or work on ourselves.

And perhaps when there is less to do, there is more space to notice.

“I didn’t realise I needed that”

I sometimes observe something similar in my treatment room.

A client may arrive saying:

“I’m good.”

“I’m not particularly stressed.”

“I’ve actually had quite a relaxing day.”

And I believe them.

Feeling happy or relaxed doesn’t mean someone cannot also benefit from rest.

After lying down and receiving a treatment, clients sometimes use wonderful expressions to describe how different they feel:

“I completely spaced out.”

“I feel like a new person.”

After Reflexology, I’ve heard:

“I have new feet!”

After Japanese Facial Therapy:

“I have a new face!”

And sometimes someone stands up and says:

“I feel taller.”

Of course, these aren’t literal changes.

But I love hearing these descriptions because our experience after a period of quiet and receiving isn’t always easy to put into words.

Perhaps we don’t actually become a “new person”.

Perhaps after deeply resting, we simply experience ourselves differently.

Why might we notice more when we stop?

We don’t consciously notice every sensation in our body all the time.

Our attention is constantly moving between the outside world, our thoughts, other people, work and everyday responsibilities.

So when we become quieter, we may notice sensations that weren’t particularly obvious before.

That doesn’t necessarily mean we were secretly stressed.

And physical tension or discomfort doesn’t automatically mean we are holding an unresolved emotion. Our bodies can feel tired, tight or uncomfortable for many different reasons.

Sometimes stopping simply gives us an opportunity to notice what was already there.

That is why I don’t think we have to wait until we are exhausted before allowing ourselves to rest.

You can be happy and still need deep rest.

You can feel relaxed and still need deep rest.

A circle of returning to yourself

My gong experience also made me think about a simple circle:

RECEIVE → PAUSE → LISTEN → NOTICE → ALLOW → RETURN ↻

First, we receive, rather than always doing.

Receiving creates an opportunity to pause.

In that pause, perhaps we can listen.

When we listen, we may notice something we weren’t aware of before.

Rather than immediately trying to change it, perhaps we can allow it to be there for a moment.

And eventually, we return.

Not necessarily as a new or improved version of ourselves.

Perhaps simply a little closer to ourselves.

This isn’t a clinical model or something we need to follow perfectly. It is simply a way I have been thinking about my own experience and the different kinds of support I offer in my work.

And, importantly, it is a circle.

Life starts moving again.

We work. We care. We make plans. Unexpected things happen.

And when we need to, we can return again.

Sometimes we need to receive. Sometimes we need to explore.

Deep rest doesn’t always need to lead somewhere.

Sometimes receiving is enough.

We have a treatment, take some quiet time, sleep, walk, or simply stop for a while — and continue with our lives.

But sometimes, when things become quieter, we notice something we hadn’t heard before.

A feeling.

A familiar pattern.

A question.

Something we have been carrying.

Then perhaps we feel ready to explore it.

This is one of the reasons I offer different forms of support.

Hands-on therapies such as Therapeutic Massage, Reflexology and Japanese Facial Therapy offer an opportunity to receive.

For me, Reiki offers an opportunity to pause and listen. Learning Reiki can also give us a personal practice that we can return to ourselves.

And Emotional Wellbeing work offers space to explore something we have noticed and feel ready to understand differently.

There isn’t one form of support that everyone needs.

Sometimes the question is simply:

What do I need right now?

To receive?

To pause?

To explore?

Or simply to be left alone with a little more space?

We don’t always need to fill the space

This is something I am learning again in my own life.

Unexpected space can initially feel uncomfortable.

We may want to fill it with another plan, another commitment, another goal or another answer.

But perhaps space has its own value.

I don’t know exactly what the next chapter of my work will bring.

And for now, I don’t think I need to.

I can receive.

Pause.

Listen.

And see what emerges.

So perhaps the question isn’t only:

“Am I relaxed?”

Perhaps we can also ask:

“Am I rested?”

Because we don’t have to wait until we are exhausted to give ourselves permission to deeply rest.

And sometimes, the space between one chapter and the next doesn’t need to be filled.

Sometimes we can rest there for a while and see what comes next.

Finding the support you need

If you feel you need to receive, I offer hands-on treatments at HomeWellness Primrose Hill on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

If something has been coming into your awareness that you feel ready to explore, you can learn more about my Emotional Wellbeing work.

And if you are interested in discovering a practice you can return to yourself, you can explore Discover Reiki.

Come as you are. We can listen together. 🌿