Why healing does not always begin with relaxation
We often imagine that healing should feel peaceful.
We may expect Reiki, massage, meditation or another body-based practice to make us feel lighter and more relaxed straight away.
Sometimes that is exactly what happens.
The breath deepens. The shoulders soften. The mind becomes quieter.
But healing does not always begin that way.
Sometimes, when we finally slow down, we become more aware of discomfort that was already there.
Perhaps you have noticed this too. A change in routine, a difficult conversation or a quiet moment can bring feelings to the surface that were easier to ignore before.
The school holiday that is not quite a holiday
The school summer holidays have started.
Although they are called holidays, they do not necessarily mean that I am on holiday. My son is at home more, while I am still working and seeing clients.
When our usual rhythm changes, different parts of our relationships can become more visible.
Recently, I noticed some behaviour in my son that I found difficult. I did not understand why he was responding in that way, and tension began to grow between us.
At first, my attention was on him.
Why was he behaving like this?
Why could he not respond differently?
What did I need him to change?
But when I stayed with my discomfort for a little longer, I began to see something else.
I began to notice my own part in the pattern.
When caring becomes over-caring
I realised that I had been over-caring for my son.
My actions came from love and from wanting to support him. But as children grow, the way we care for them also needs to change.
Something that was helpful at one stage of life may no longer be helpful in the same way.
By doing too much, we may unintentionally make it harder for someone to take responsibility, make decisions and learn through their own experiences.
I realised that I could not ask my son to change while continuing to respond to him in exactly the same way.
My behaviour also needed to change.
This was an important realisation, but it did not bring immediate relief.
In fact, I felt more uncomfortable at first.
When awareness feels painful
As I allowed myself to notice the discomfort, it seemed to become more intense.
I felt hurt, isolated and vulnerable. It was as though old wounds had come back to the surface.
Even though I am a therapist and have many tools to support myself, I am still human.
It can feel easier to keep busy, focus on someone else’s needs or tell ourselves that everything is fine.
These responses may help temporarily, but they do not always change the deeper pattern.
The discomfort was not necessarily new.
I may simply have become ready to notice it.
From discomfort to honest communication
Once I felt calmer, I spoke honestly with my son.
I shared how I had been feeling, and he explained his experience too.
Instead of asking only what he needed to change, I asked:
“What would you like me to do differently?”
That question opened a more honest conversation between us.
We listened to each other and made an agreement about what we would both do differently.
The discomfort did not disappear immediately, but it helped us see where our relationship needed attention.
It reminded me that healing is not only about understanding our feelings.
Sometimes it also asks us to communicate, take responsibility and create a new way of relating to one another.
Discomfort may reveal what needs attention.
Communication can help create change.
Why healing practices do not always feel relaxing
We often expect healing or body-based practices to make us feel relaxed straight away.
Sometimes they do.
But sometimes slowing down makes us more aware of what the body and emotions have been holding.
I was reminded of this recently during a client’s first Reiki session.
She had expected to feel calm and relaxed. Instead, she became more aware of discomfort in her body.
Stillness may not have created the sensation. It may simply have made it easier for her to notice what was already there.
In holistic wellbeing, this kind of response is sometimes described as a “healing crisis”, but I use that expression carefully.
Discomfort is not automatically proof that healing is taking place. Pain should never be forced, glorified or ignored. A session can always be paused or adjusted, and new, severe or continuing pain deserves appropriate medical attention.
However, stillness can sometimes make an existing sensation more noticeable.
Rather than assuming that every healing experience must feel peaceful, perhaps we can remain curious.
We might gently ask:
“What am I becoming aware of now?”
Accepting discomfort is not the same as enduring it
Accepting discomfort does not mean pushing through unbearable pain.
It does not mean ignoring warning signs.
It does not mean that we must manage everything alone.
Acceptance means acknowledging what is present without immediately fighting, judging or suppressing it.
We might simply say:
“This is what I am feeling right now.”
We breathe.
We stay as calm as we can.
We listen.
We allow ourselves to receive support.
Sometimes an emotion appears.
Sometimes we recognise a need, a boundary or a pattern that we had not noticed before.
The discomfort itself is not always the lesson.
The lesson may be found in how we meet it.
What discomfort may reveal
Discomfort can sometimes bring our attention to something important.
It may reveal an emotion we have been avoiding, an old wound that still feels tender, a boundary that needs strengthening or a relationship pattern that is ready to change.
In my situation, the discomfort helped me recognise that my relationship with my son needed to change.
The lesson was not that I should care less.
It was that I may need to care differently.
Perhaps loving him now means stepping back slightly.
Perhaps it means listening more.
Perhaps it means trusting him to take greater responsibility, even when that feels uncomfortable for me.
How I support my clients
You do not need to arrive at a session feeling calm.
You do not need to know exactly what is wrong.
You can begin with what you are noticing: tension, tiredness, emotional heaviness, restlessness, physical discomfort or simply the feeling that something is not quite right.
My role is not to force an answer or ask you to push through something painful.
My role is to offer a safe, supportive space where you can pause, listen to your body and feel less alone with what you are carrying.
Through Therapeutic Massage, Japanese Facial Therapy with Buccal Massage, Reflexology, Reiki, EFT, Emotion Code and Reiki Reset, I support the whole person—physically, mentally, emotionally and energetically.
You are not failing because you feel uncomfortable.
You may simply be noticing something that needs care, support or change.
A reflection for you
Is there something in your life that has become difficult to ignore?
Perhaps it is tension in your body.
Perhaps it is discomfort in a relationship.
Perhaps it is a boundary that needs attention.
Without forcing yourself to find an immediate answer, you might gently ask:
What am I noticing?
What have I been trying not to feel?
What could this discomfort be asking me to change?
What support might I need?
Healing does not always begin with relaxation.
Sometimes it begins with awareness.
Sometimes it begins with an honest conversation.
And sometimes it begins with the decision not to carry everything alone.
August support at HomeWellness
Throughout August, I am offering 15% off a first session for new clients at HomeWellness in Primrose Hill.
The school summer holidays can bring joy, but they can also bring less routine, more family responsibility and very little space for yourself.
You do not need to wait until you feel completely overwhelmed before asking for support.
I practise at HomeWellness on Saturdays.
With warmth